Fancy Imperialism, Like A Sir.

Chinese had plans for Monkey Fireworks! But they were never used, which saved a lot of monkey's lives.

Imperialism is great. Have you heard about the Imperial Army? Exactly.

The Maxim Machine Gun! It's amazing! It shoots stuff!

European Imperialism was weird, as they tried to conquer Africa. And a lot of Africans died.

Europeans tried to expand their empire by capturing Asia and Africa.

Europeans love empires. They also love to sell their best drug. It's weird, and it makes you feel weird. The Chinese love it! You've probably heard about it, Opium.

SCP, SCP, SCP, 173!

Derp.

Fezzes are used by Arabs. Fezzes were made because of Arabs. So thank the Arabs, as fezzes are cool now.

Empires have gone away? Why? Now we have countries! I don't want countries I want empires WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Countries are cool tho, I like countries too much to say I don't. Sorry country lovers!

China was a thriving manufacturing power. Haha!

The Qianlong Emperor is really weird. He says we won't buy anything from you European Scum! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But then the Europeans found a good way to trade. It all came in with a product. That product is called opium. It is one of the most addictive drugs in the world. And you know where it came from? An innocent flower that just didn't want to be turned into a drug! The Opium Poppy. It was the poppy where that very drug came from! And that's why opium is called opium. Or is that why the opium poppy called the opium poppy? I can't decide, turn on the chocobo music while I think about it.

Doo-do-do-do do-do-de do-do-do. Da da-da-da-dadada. Da da-da-da-dadada!
Doo-do-do-do do-do-de do-do-do. Da da-da-da-dadada. Da da-da-da-dadada!

OK, even after that, I'm still not sure. Turn on the REAL chocobo music while I think about it.

Imperialism introduced a lot of trade. I mean a LOT.

Imperialism affected china a lot.

Why are we barbarians to the Chinese? We are pretty good! We give you guys a lot of awesome stuff. We gave you Iphones!

Monkey Fireworks! Launch! Wait, those weren't invented? Damn it!

Chinese invented one thing! Robotic pandas with fireworks strapped to their backs! They were the mortar troops of the Chinese army! I saw them! In an alternate dimension. They were called Tillman.

MACHINE GUNS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SHOOT THOSE GUYS UP! We used machine guns against lots of people without those machine guns. Well, maybe they have a few, but we shoot them up anyway because we. are. awesome!

Indian Princes were imperial! They ride their elephants and squish all in their way! GO ELEPHANT SQUISH THOSE REDCOATS F**KAS! AHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Imperialism gave us all the stuff shown above. Yes, even the robotic pandas.

China was about to be overtaken by Europe! But they decided to trade anyway! HAHA! And then they gave a lot of opium. A LOT OF OPIUM! And then the Chinese Citizens got addicted! The Brits could sell it a lot! And then the celestial empire, led by none other than Celestia (WAIT WAIT WHAT) decided to send them a stern letter saying "DRUGS ARE BAD! WE SHALL REMOVE OUR TRADES OF FRIENDSHIP TO YOUR EMPIRES!" but the Europeans didn't care much. So the celestial empire didn't send the letter. And the friendship trades kept on going. And then high Princess Celestia ordered all of the opium to be dumped into the sea, tea party style! But then the Europeans demanded payback! But the celestial empire thought that was too harsh. So the Europeans forced them to give them money! And that's how she was dethroned and needed to act in a little girls show for money! Next Question!

HOLY CRAP IS THAT A SAMURAI? YEAH IT IS YOU DUMBASS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW DO YOU?! WELL READ, DAMN IT!

Woo! Why am I saying woo? Today we talk about nationalism. And Samurai! And Daimyo! Yay! Oh, and why I was saying woo is because I held my breath for 1 min and I had to catch my breath, "takes breath", "woo".

That last sentence, count how many words it has! It's the first coincidence in this wonderful blog!

Ieyasu was the emperor!

The Tokugawa era was amazing. It started the special forces of the Japanese army, the Samurai.

The Daimyo had full control over the crops! So they were better than samurai.

Japanese hated foreign European Christians. The hate was amazing. If any christian sets foot on Japan, they will be slaughtered! You think that's too much? I don't think so.

Japanese were awesome! They invented amazing rifles, including the Arisaka, the Type 99 and the Type 100.

WWII in a nutshell. Nazis were all like "Hail mein fuhrer", Russians were all like "Destroy the mudak fascists!" Americans were all like "Hamburgers, haircuts, mayo, hungry!" Japanese were all like "Hey can we bomb pearl harbor Kthx."

Many people find comfort in inaccuracy. Like me. I am one of the most inaccurate history teachers ever.

Nationalism can be bad! Like when it hit the Japanese emperor! Dat,, mein freund, is how WWII started for the Mayo-Eaters and the Japs.

Tojo! The emperor's name was Tojo! Japs, I'm bringing it back.
Japs: Don't bring it back!
Me: Well too bad.

There are 2 Matthew Perries in the world. 1 is an amazing comedian. 1 forcibly opened European trade in Japan.

Disgraced Samurai can commit suicide. But they do it in a fancy way! First, they wash themselves. Then, they eat their favorite food like "UM NUM NUM". Then, here comes the bloody part, they place a awesome knife on their table, covered up in a not bloody cloth. But don't worry, it'll get bloody soon! Next up, they stab themselves in a gut, and then, of course, in a fancy way, their buddy cuts off their head, ninja style. And then blood goes all over the place, ruining their awesome suit, and everything else! OH MY GOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! BLOODY BLOODY BLOOD! ERMAGHERD!   "Fancy Cough" That's how they kill themselves. It's called by a geeky name, Seppuku. GEEKY!

Oh and PEGI 18 Fun Fact! Do not read if under 18! Actually, I'm under 18, so go ahead: Tentacle Rape was a real myth in Ancient Japan. Not kidding bro. Truly not kidding.

Nationalism is weird. It's like we are just part of our country! Just a cell in our country team! I say no! Unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE! GTFO NAZIS, GTFO ANY NATIONALIST, I WANT TO BE FREE! FREE LIKE A LITTLE BIRD! HECK, MAYBE I'D KILL MY COUNTRY IF IT WAS ALIVE! LIKE A CANCEROUS CELL TO THE NATIONALISTS, LIKE A REBEL! REVOLT REVOLT REVOLT!

That above there is not my way of view. Some crazy guy stole my computer and typed that in. After that he pulled a pistol up and shot a bird out of the sky. And then he ate it. And choked on it's bones. And then I called him F-ed up. Literally. Haha, you think that was really true? Loser. It was me that wrote that! Just wanted to raise some controversy so more people would read my blog!

Kekekekekekekeke....... And that's why every time a bunch of opium is put in a house it's called an opium bar! Wait, no relation. Sorry.

Nationalism and communism are not similar. AT ALL. Seriously. They might sound similar but they are not! In games, they both are enemies, but they are NOT related! I repeat, NOT related!

Pennsylvania is the hardest state to pronounce. Pencil-vae-nea.

Forty Two! The two in there is the 42nd word in this paragraph of history. But you don't know that.

Europeans are awesome. I am half Jap and half NZ, so I think Europeans and Japs are awesome, because "Hey Japanese, have some muskets."
Without that, this would not be possible (see bottom picture)

Gun Samurai are awesome. Those jimmyjacks are awesome! BTW, jimmyjack is my way of saying sharpshooter. Jimmy= Accurate Jack= Jackass
They are Jackasses because they annoy their enemies by taking them down from afar with guns! Bang, babang. Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! ERMAGHERD WE'RE DYING! AAAH AAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH MY GOD!

USSR is not a country anymore. Nor is south Vietnam. And sorry, Rhodesia, you're out too. There are so many countries.

All my globes are out of date. They both don't have south Sudan.

Nationalism is amazing, as people want to become their own country right? South Sudan is now it's own country. South Vietnam tried to become a country. They failed because of those damn Victor Charlies. I hate Victor Charlies. Open fire on the Victor Charlies! Victor Charlies = Viet Cong. Read some books. Or even better, play some COD-BO

My brother is dividing his nationalism into two parts, so get ready for it. Please.

Matthew Perry is evil! I hate Matthew Perry. But the comedian is pretty good. But I hate the other Matthew Perry! Why did you introduce Christianity! We could go so well without Christianity! Us Japanese could take over the world! Trust me, with Japanese taking over the world, you'd be seeing a lot of awesome stuff around.

Good Day and Good Bye to you sir! See you next week!

CAPITALISM! HOLY MARY MOTHER OF SOME IDIOTIC BULLCRAP THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS!

Capitalism just turns men into wolves! Nah.

Capitalism is about efficiency! But capitalism is a greatly argued thing, so I can't take all sides. So if you are going to make some hurtful comments, just get out man. Get the (AWESOME CENSOR) out.

You lose your life is you get attacked by pirates. But if you have more ships, then you have less chance of being attacked, because pirates are scared of tough people!

Capitalism and the Industrial Revolution are not related, they helped each other happen.

Make more crops! Especially clovers, they make nitrogen!

Obesity has become a bigger killer than starvation! OH NOES! Don't overeat men! And you, women.

Most Tenant farmers lost their jobs during capitalism. But David Tennant just decided to steal a time-travelling TARDIS and travelled the heck outta there.

Capitalism isn't without it's problems. But communism has more problems. Nazism, I just don't know.

Capitalism is an economic system.

Capitalism is good for money!

Mercantile Capitalists lose everything if they get invaded by pirates. Money is their life!

Capitalism is kinda miserable.

Once farmers invested in better products, they could make more crops.

We have too much stuff now, before we had too little.

When factories started, people started to go to them and work, work, WORK!

Manufactured goods are more abundant than natural goods!

Communism may seem good, but it's bad. HORRIBLE! It never works. But if we could actually do something like this, then maybe we could live in peace! What do you like better, capitalism or communism. Tell me below in the comments!

Karl Marx has a really big beard!

Mau Zedong did not have a beard. HE WAS INFERIOR! Karl Marx is boss. His beard is boss.

We need competition! So I think we need some more capitalism, dontcha think?
0_0

Capitalism is wonderful. It's like, why write blogs if I can buy a good blog-writer bot. But I don't do that. Because they don't exist. But imagine if blog-writing bots do exist.
Then I would buy a blog-writing bot that makes my blogs! Even if it costs a lot, It would still save me good energy. That's exactly what capitalism is. I would unemploy myself as blog writer and get my blog-writing bot to do the job!

Child labor is weird. There is less child labor now, the only labor children do is paper-throwing.

Oh, and I can invest in a blog-reading machine. So now you will be unemployed, blog reader! Oh wait, they aren't invented yet. You live another day, reader!

We need more cheaper food! But importing changes that. They're all like "Hey we gave you food from our country so you gotta pay more haha."

I love food!

Merchantile Capitalism was a global phenomenon! It was awesome! We buy stuff, and sell it at a higher price! Oh and BTW, I bought a T.A.R.D.I.S today! So, random reader, that's why your girlfriend broke up with you. And I went back in time to write this. I actually live in the future. What year? You mean what month. December 21. I ran away before that. So, fellow reader, pack your things, the world ends in December 21.

Grain had low prices in capitalism.

Dutch had chronic problems, not sure why. That's why they need clovers. BTW, leprechauns say "Whoa, I just got this pot o' gold! I don't know where to put it. Blimey, maybe I'd put it under this beacon of many colors, I say!"

Today is the Islamic New Year! Horray! Well, I just chose a random holiday. Guess I got lucky.

Oh and I forgot to tell you that I got away from that spirit. Just played dead. Oh crap there he i

WE.BROKE.HIM.AGAIN

WE.BROKE.U.AGAIN

HOLY MOTHER OF BULLCRAP INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION

The industrial revolution was the most revolutionary revolution of it's day! It didn't revolt against anything! It just gave us machines.

You have blueberries in february? Industrial Revolution. You live in someplace else than a farm? Indusrtial Revolution. You drive a Car? Industrial revolution. Pills Here? Industrial Revolution. Now less than 1% of people in America use farms. Although my Aunt does, but hey! She isn't american!

The Industrial Revolution is the reason I'm writing this blog! And this very blog post! And it is the only reason I am sitting in this very swivel chair! Yeah I have a swivel chair! Jealous?

Electricity was made by the industrial revolution.

Industrial Revolution= Mass Production. Therefore, our computer screens are mass produced. Our CPUs are mass produced. AND EVERY OTHER DAMN THING THAT I AM USING RIGHT NOW IS MASS PRODUCED.

Revolutions aren't really that revolutionary. Except this one.

Read the Blog About Only Me to read about games! Also caused by the Industrial Revolution.

Industrial Revolution is what created the basis of STEAMPUNK! Ah, got your attention. Haha.

Everyone loves Steam! Everyone loves Computers! Everyone loves houses! Everyone loves not farming! Thank Industrial Revolution!

Like your tiny heads? Thank INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION!

If you are an old man and hate machines, then would you rather live in a shack, without any sense of living in luxury? YOU SHOULD THANK THE BLOODY INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION, YOU OLD FOOL!

Industrial revolution gave us more choices of travel from foot, horseback or boat! IT GAVE US CARS, AND AIRPLANES, AND LUXURY CRUISERS!

Your Tee is Mass-Produced. So if there was no Industrial Revolution, you would probably be naked right now.

Industrial revolution gave you almost everything in your BLOODAY HOUSE!

If you ever get an Xbox for Christmas, thank your parents, and then thank the INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION even more, because they did most of the work.

I love the industrial revolution.

The industrial revolution made it possible to read my blog. Which is, of course, the best blog on blogger. So you're lucky you have the industrial revolution.

Guns were made better in the Industrial Revolution.

Every waking and sleeping moment of your life is caused by the Industrial Revolution.

The spinning jenny was invented when the industrial revolution came along.

Coal is good for steam engines, which is why you went to the coal farms when you were 7. What? Did you say that it doesn't happen anymore? Damn it.

The Industrial revolution was better in Europe. Which means that Europe is superior. And New Zealand was founded by europe.

Doctor Who, my favorite show, was only able to be made because of the Industrial Revolution. So thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. I love Doctor Who. Yes, Whovians. I heard you say "Finally"

Coal is really good for powering steam engines because it burns for a long time.

All other revolutions have new flags and stuff, yeah, not important.

Your love interest friendzones you, industrial revolution. Wait, what?

Don't blame the industrial revolution. Girlfriends have friendzones way before the start of human civilization.

Sulfuric Acid was used in bleaching clothes! So that's why bleach smells so bad. I spilt it all over a guy once, and he stank for a week. Also, his clothes went pink. He was wearing a pink patch of clothes, haha.

Lead is needed for electricity, so lead mines were good.

Europe has a small population. So that's probably why you big populated american primitive inferiors took all your tech from us, good old Europe.

China was primed for an industrial revolution about the same time as Europe. But china did it quicker, with their beautiful newness. Therefore, china is probably superior. Because they are quick learners.

NZ is probably the place with the most farms. Come on to our farm!

Have you seen how many times I've written about revolutions? Must be 4 weeks of revolutions! If you know a good name for this, tell me in the comments!

Thomas Newcomen made the best steam engine. James Watt made it better. How is that possible? I dunno.

BTW, british FTW! We invented the industrial revolution! I may be New Zealander, but I have ancestors in Britan! And I also have ancestors in (Wait For It) Germany. So technically, I am half european!

I also am half Japanese. So I have a message to all you other Japanese and Koreans. Please, you can own anything! Just share and you guys would be better! But China, yes China, was close to the Industrial Revolution. Oh so close. Closer than the others.

I'm proud of Europe. Are you? Tell me in the comments.

Just to say one final thing, all of us have tech now! You know why? Because of Europe. Trololololol!