Finally posting here again! This time we talk about something way back.

AGRICULTURAL REVOLUTION! The thing that got us from eating fried fish to being able to buy a Big Mac for $2.50.

It's possible to earn enough money to buy a Big Mac in just 28 minutes while working at the minimum wage in the USA! So if you work an average of 8 hours and all you buy are Big Macs...... Well... That's a lot of Hammies.

And in the old days, it took forever to make just one sandwich from scratch! You have to work hard. Make the Bread. That should take abut a week! Raise and Slaughter the pigs! That should take about 2 years! Oh, and how about the Tomatoes! That's just like the Bread! And the lettuce. ONE WEEK! THE MUSTARD TOO! YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE MUSTARD TO MAKE IT'S SEEDS! THEN YOU HAVE TO GRIND THEM UP! GEEZ! So much work! All for just one sandwich. Now we can just walk up to our local supermarket and buy all of the ingredients. How long does that take? About 30 minutes.

So let's tally that up. Old Days: 2 years 1 month. New Days: 30 minutes. WOW.

Oh, and remember the butcher? They have this poster in their shop, right?

Well, if you'd like to know, the pig pictured probably took 2 years to raise.
Nowadays, it's probably 10 minutes to the Butcher's, about 5 minutes to ask the butcher to get a thing of meat and 10 more minutes to get home. That's 25 minutes. In the old days, we had to slaughter the pigs.
We had to cut them up. And nowadays we just have pig meat hanging around the Butcher's like this!
 
Just slam that in the oven and you got yourself dinner.

You like your nice, plump apples? Thank agriculture, because we made those things from scratch! We chose the fattest. And then we chose the fattest again! Here we have a comparison of the size between a Crab Apple and a Normal Apple.

 Horray for Agriculture.

HORRAY!

KABOOM! COLD WAAAR!

Are you mad? I'm mad! Because today we talk about MAD! Mutually Assured Destruction!

Little Boy and Fat Man are just two of the many atomic bombs made.

One atomic bomb can destroy a city.

We have enough atomic bombs to destroy the human race multiple times.

You can defect from the Soviet Union. So do not defect.

I do not really know that much about the Cold War, but I know that my dad lived in it's times. You might've too.

The USSR vs Afghan war failed horribly...... for the Russians.

NEVER TRUST A RUSSIAN SPY! THEY STOLE THE AMERICAN NUCLEAR PROGRAM SECRETS!

MAD is still going on today. If something goes wrong between the USSR and the USA......

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Both countries would be dead.

Pretty sad, really. I DON'T WANNA DIE! WAAAAH!

If an Atomic Bomb lands directly on top of your head, that's it bro. Game over. GAME OVER!

You will be an angel floating to heaven.

WWII

Japan invaded Manchuria? WHAT

Hitler made history!           Worse.

The tactics of the Nazis were amazing. For the start of the war.

They captured about 5 countries!

Oh, and they bombed Great Britan. After that a weird virus infected a gas masked kid and turned all who got infected with it into more gas mask wearing freaks and it was super complicated so the Doctor came in and cured them all and they were OK wait wat de fuq

Nazis invaded MUTHA RUZZIA.

Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor! You dumbasses why have you made my culture so horrible!

Argentina was the main supplier for meat to the allies.

The Germans attacked in The Battle Of Stalingrad. I have a small remnant of it. It's a Nazi badge, taken straight from the battle site! WOO! You want it? So-rry!

Mussolini had the craziest and most offensive death ever. His wife was shot, he was shot in the chest and shot again, and then he was hung on meathooks while civvies threw stuff at his body. Some even shot it. And then he was buried in an unmarked grave. Sad, really. Also, they didn't need to do that. That's how Hitler got scared.

OK LETS DO THIS MAOOOOOOO ZEEEDONG! HOLY CRAP MAO JUST WENT IN!

This is the last time I talk about china. No offense, just this is the only important thing now!

Mao Zedong had a book of sayings. Everyone in China had to own it. SERIOUSLY.

China is better today than it was a long time ago.

China was communist, but the peoples revolted.

The Chinese Army joined in on the 1911 revolution!

China was quite an amazing place. It is even more amazing now.

DID CHINA INVENT FIREWORKS DID CHINA INVENT FIREWORKS TELL ME TELL ME NOW DAMMIT I NEED TO KNOW DAMMIT. Oh they did. I finally know. FIREWORKS ARE COMING TO MINECRAFT HELL YEA.

Chinese are better than you think! But they are worse than they think. So they are kinda in the middle. Like Japanese.

Communists and Nationalists are worst enemies! Obviously!!!!!!!!!

Oh my god. On October 1 1949 the People's Republic Of China started. On my dad's birthday. God. I mean wow.

WWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

 HERE WE GO FELLAS! WWI!

WAR! IT'S FANTASTIC!

WWI was not the war to end all wars. Although it was thought to be so. Very much.

WWI was a tragedy? But war is fantastic!

How it started? The Duke was assassinated, the Austrians asked the Serbs to keep the remains, Serbs refused. Austrians attacked. Russia allies with Serbs. Germans allies with Austrians. So, they all fought against each other. But the Germans allied with the Ottomans and declared war on France. Because of their horrible cartoons that do not have one little bit of English with them. The Germans decided to go through Belgium. But the Brits were allies with Belgium. So they declared war on Germany. And then the Japanese were allies with the British, so they declared war on Austria and Germany, because Japanese were hardcore!

According to British posters, Germans were monkeys.

Russians decided to hire people on the streets and say "MUDAK GYET OUT ONTO THYE BATTYELFYIELD! CHYORT, JYUST GYO!"

Machine guns are awesome. BRATATATATATA. And that's why the Brits lost 60,000 men.

Now everybody has Machine Guns!

Bombardment was horrible.

WW1 was a disaster for the RYUSSYIANS.

The US decided to kill all Germans. YAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Because of their president.

As with all wars, there were lots of deaths in WWI.

Machine Guns are good at taking down walls of soldiers charging right at you with their weapons and stuff. UNLOAD UNLOAD UNLOAD UNLOAD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!

I think that's how I would feel in a situation like that. Probably. You never know. I could be a coward and hide during the whole thing. But that would be too babyish.

Influenza wiped out almost all of the soldiers in WWI. So disease is a chemical weapon that can attack both sides. And it will. Vaccines need to be invented!

Don't get WWI and WWII confused, alright? Because they are completely different wars. Yeah.

I'm listening to the Portal 2 soundtrack as I write this. That kinda puts me in the mood for science! Check out my biology blog for more info guys, it would be really great of you to! Danke Freund.

Fancy Imperialism, Like A Sir.

Chinese had plans for Monkey Fireworks! But they were never used, which saved a lot of monkey's lives.

Imperialism is great. Have you heard about the Imperial Army? Exactly.

The Maxim Machine Gun! It's amazing! It shoots stuff!

European Imperialism was weird, as they tried to conquer Africa. And a lot of Africans died.

Europeans tried to expand their empire by capturing Asia and Africa.

Europeans love empires. They also love to sell their best drug. It's weird, and it makes you feel weird. The Chinese love it! You've probably heard about it, Opium.

SCP, SCP, SCP, 173!

Derp.

Fezzes are used by Arabs. Fezzes were made because of Arabs. So thank the Arabs, as fezzes are cool now.

Empires have gone away? Why? Now we have countries! I don't want countries I want empires WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Countries are cool tho, I like countries too much to say I don't. Sorry country lovers!

China was a thriving manufacturing power. Haha!

The Qianlong Emperor is really weird. He says we won't buy anything from you European Scum! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! But then the Europeans found a good way to trade. It all came in with a product. That product is called opium. It is one of the most addictive drugs in the world. And you know where it came from? An innocent flower that just didn't want to be turned into a drug! The Opium Poppy. It was the poppy where that very drug came from! And that's why opium is called opium. Or is that why the opium poppy called the opium poppy? I can't decide, turn on the chocobo music while I think about it.

Doo-do-do-do do-do-de do-do-do. Da da-da-da-dadada. Da da-da-da-dadada!
Doo-do-do-do do-do-de do-do-do. Da da-da-da-dadada. Da da-da-da-dadada!

OK, even after that, I'm still not sure. Turn on the REAL chocobo music while I think about it.

Imperialism introduced a lot of trade. I mean a LOT.

Imperialism affected china a lot.

Why are we barbarians to the Chinese? We are pretty good! We give you guys a lot of awesome stuff. We gave you Iphones!

Monkey Fireworks! Launch! Wait, those weren't invented? Damn it!

Chinese invented one thing! Robotic pandas with fireworks strapped to their backs! They were the mortar troops of the Chinese army! I saw them! In an alternate dimension. They were called Tillman.

MACHINE GUNS YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SHOOT THOSE GUYS UP! We used machine guns against lots of people without those machine guns. Well, maybe they have a few, but we shoot them up anyway because we. are. awesome!

Indian Princes were imperial! They ride their elephants and squish all in their way! GO ELEPHANT SQUISH THOSE REDCOATS F**KAS! AHAHAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHHA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Imperialism gave us all the stuff shown above. Yes, even the robotic pandas.

China was about to be overtaken by Europe! But they decided to trade anyway! HAHA! And then they gave a lot of opium. A LOT OF OPIUM! And then the Chinese Citizens got addicted! The Brits could sell it a lot! And then the celestial empire, led by none other than Celestia (WAIT WAIT WHAT) decided to send them a stern letter saying "DRUGS ARE BAD! WE SHALL REMOVE OUR TRADES OF FRIENDSHIP TO YOUR EMPIRES!" but the Europeans didn't care much. So the celestial empire didn't send the letter. And the friendship trades kept on going. And then high Princess Celestia ordered all of the opium to be dumped into the sea, tea party style! But then the Europeans demanded payback! But the celestial empire thought that was too harsh. So the Europeans forced them to give them money! And that's how she was dethroned and needed to act in a little girls show for money! Next Question!

HOLY CRAP IS THAT A SAMURAI? YEAH IT IS YOU DUMBASS, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW DO YOU?! WELL READ, DAMN IT!

Woo! Why am I saying woo? Today we talk about nationalism. And Samurai! And Daimyo! Yay! Oh, and why I was saying woo is because I held my breath for 1 min and I had to catch my breath, "takes breath", "woo".

That last sentence, count how many words it has! It's the first coincidence in this wonderful blog!

Ieyasu was the emperor!

The Tokugawa era was amazing. It started the special forces of the Japanese army, the Samurai.

The Daimyo had full control over the crops! So they were better than samurai.

Japanese hated foreign European Christians. The hate was amazing. If any christian sets foot on Japan, they will be slaughtered! You think that's too much? I don't think so.

Japanese were awesome! They invented amazing rifles, including the Arisaka, the Type 99 and the Type 100.

WWII in a nutshell. Nazis were all like "Hail mein fuhrer", Russians were all like "Destroy the mudak fascists!" Americans were all like "Hamburgers, haircuts, mayo, hungry!" Japanese were all like "Hey can we bomb pearl harbor Kthx."

Many people find comfort in inaccuracy. Like me. I am one of the most inaccurate history teachers ever.

Nationalism can be bad! Like when it hit the Japanese emperor! Dat,, mein freund, is how WWII started for the Mayo-Eaters and the Japs.

Tojo! The emperor's name was Tojo! Japs, I'm bringing it back.
Japs: Don't bring it back!
Me: Well too bad.

There are 2 Matthew Perries in the world. 1 is an amazing comedian. 1 forcibly opened European trade in Japan.

Disgraced Samurai can commit suicide. But they do it in a fancy way! First, they wash themselves. Then, they eat their favorite food like "UM NUM NUM". Then, here comes the bloody part, they place a awesome knife on their table, covered up in a not bloody cloth. But don't worry, it'll get bloody soon! Next up, they stab themselves in a gut, and then, of course, in a fancy way, their buddy cuts off their head, ninja style. And then blood goes all over the place, ruining their awesome suit, and everything else! OH MY GOD! BLOOD EVERYWHERE! BLOODY BLOODY BLOOD! ERMAGHERD!   "Fancy Cough" That's how they kill themselves. It's called by a geeky name, Seppuku. GEEKY!

Oh and PEGI 18 Fun Fact! Do not read if under 18! Actually, I'm under 18, so go ahead: Tentacle Rape was a real myth in Ancient Japan. Not kidding bro. Truly not kidding.

Nationalism is weird. It's like we are just part of our country! Just a cell in our country team! I say no! Unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE! GTFO NAZIS, GTFO ANY NATIONALIST, I WANT TO BE FREE! FREE LIKE A LITTLE BIRD! HECK, MAYBE I'D KILL MY COUNTRY IF IT WAS ALIVE! LIKE A CANCEROUS CELL TO THE NATIONALISTS, LIKE A REBEL! REVOLT REVOLT REVOLT!

That above there is not my way of view. Some crazy guy stole my computer and typed that in. After that he pulled a pistol up and shot a bird out of the sky. And then he ate it. And choked on it's bones. And then I called him F-ed up. Literally. Haha, you think that was really true? Loser. It was me that wrote that! Just wanted to raise some controversy so more people would read my blog!

Kekekekekekekeke....... And that's why every time a bunch of opium is put in a house it's called an opium bar! Wait, no relation. Sorry.

Nationalism and communism are not similar. AT ALL. Seriously. They might sound similar but they are not! In games, they both are enemies, but they are NOT related! I repeat, NOT related!

Pennsylvania is the hardest state to pronounce. Pencil-vae-nea.

Forty Two! The two in there is the 42nd word in this paragraph of history. But you don't know that.

Europeans are awesome. I am half Jap and half NZ, so I think Europeans and Japs are awesome, because "Hey Japanese, have some muskets."
Without that, this would not be possible (see bottom picture)

Gun Samurai are awesome. Those jimmyjacks are awesome! BTW, jimmyjack is my way of saying sharpshooter. Jimmy= Accurate Jack= Jackass
They are Jackasses because they annoy their enemies by taking them down from afar with guns! Bang, babang. Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! ERMAGHERD WE'RE DYING! AAAH AAAH AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH MY GOD!

USSR is not a country anymore. Nor is south Vietnam. And sorry, Rhodesia, you're out too. There are so many countries.

All my globes are out of date. They both don't have south Sudan.

Nationalism is amazing, as people want to become their own country right? South Sudan is now it's own country. South Vietnam tried to become a country. They failed because of those damn Victor Charlies. I hate Victor Charlies. Open fire on the Victor Charlies! Victor Charlies = Viet Cong. Read some books. Or even better, play some COD-BO

My brother is dividing his nationalism into two parts, so get ready for it. Please.

Matthew Perry is evil! I hate Matthew Perry. But the comedian is pretty good. But I hate the other Matthew Perry! Why did you introduce Christianity! We could go so well without Christianity! Us Japanese could take over the world! Trust me, with Japanese taking over the world, you'd be seeing a lot of awesome stuff around.

Good Day and Good Bye to you sir! See you next week!